Building Emotional Intelligence by Shifting Thinking, Not Just Habits
Jan 18, 2026Most people try to change their habits through force. But when you shift the thinking behind the habit, that’s when emotional intelligence really starts to build.
A client recently came to me with an interest in developing their emotional intelligence.
Rather than beginning with theory or models, we looked for a real moment in their daily routine that could reveal something deeper.
We found it quickly.
After virtual meetings—especially ones that felt stressful or unstructured—they would walk straight to their kids’ goodie cupboard for chocolate. It wasn’t about hunger. It was autopilot.
This became the start of our experiment.
Instead of trying to stop the behaviour, we focused on changing the thinking underneath it.
We kept it simple:
They could still have the chocolate—but only after answering two questions written on a sticky note taped to the cupboard:
1. Am I enjoying this?
2. Is this helping me become the person I want to be?
Those two questions slowed down the automatic pattern and created space for choice.
23 days later, the habit had dissolved. No guilt. No strict plan. Just awareness.
But the real shift wasn’t about chocolate. It was about emotional insight.
This wasn’t just habit-breaking.
It was emotional intelligence-building.
They didn’t just change what they did. They saw why they did it.
And that awareness—applied to small moments—is what strengthens leadership from the inside out.
If you’re a leader or team struggling with stress, reactivity, or emotional habits that are holding you back, I’d be happy to help.
Email me at [email protected]
Looking to shift how your team shows up?
Check out Elephant in the Room — our signature training programme for teams ready to build trust, speak honestly, and perform at a higher level.
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